just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
