Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
