I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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