i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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