so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
NoShamevember. You game?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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