Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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