Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Success! We fucked roommates!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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