shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
