Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
