Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
