So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
