Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
