yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
