How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
