There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
