I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
