It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
now i know why i became what i already was.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
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