I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
