so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
