What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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