They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
