I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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