How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
