You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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