She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
