clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
