you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
