my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You know, be my cock's hype man.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
