sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
