it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
