just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
