During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
