We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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