Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
