I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
