You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
