So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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