It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
