I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
