she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
