Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
