I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
