Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
