Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
