Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
