In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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