her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
