We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
