I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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