there's paper in my vomit.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
