apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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