I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
